DAVID CAPPS | WHERE’S NEW HAVEN?
Where’s New Haven?
On the walk from Gray Matter to The Graduate, and past the couple on the steps singing a light-hearted jingle about Adderall, we overhear an old man asking, “Where’s New Haven?”
October 6, 2024
Where’s New Haven?
On the walk from Gray Matter to The Graduate, and past the couple on the steps singing a light-hearted jingle about Adderall, we overhear an old man asking, “Where’s New Haven?” – “This is New Haven,” the lady replies. And it strikes me, given his proximity to the bus station, as much more likely that he had fallen asleep on the bus and just gotten off at this stop than to think that he is both mad and cogently asking a question. Much later, as I toss and turn in bed, thinking about what I can deduce from the facts that writers have so much knowledge at their fingertips and that AI will soon be able to reproduce any given style and wondering whether our situation differs essentially from the postmodernist plight of the exhaustion of literature—it occurs to me that maybe he meant New Haven itself, where had the New Haven gone that he remembered from his youth?
David Capps is a philosophy professor and writer living in New Haven, CT. He is the author of six chapbooks: Poems from the First Voyage (The Nasiona Press, 2019), A Non-Grecian Non-Urn (Yavanika Press, 2019), Colossi (Kelsay Books, 2020), On the Great Duration of Life (Schism Neuronics, 2023), Wheatfield with a Reaper (Akinoga Press, forthcoming), and Fever in Bodrum (Bottlecap Press, forthcoming). His latest lyric essay is featured in Midnight Chem.
LISA PIAZZA | A SHADOW, A SNAKE
A Shadow, a Snake
It’s not every day you see a bald eagle at Serene Lakes, but I’ve seen a few before. Flying, perched in trees, their white feathers showing or skimming the lake to grab some trout, then speed off.
October 6, 2024
A Shadow, a Snake
It’s not every day you see a bald eagle at Serene Lakes, but I’ve seen a few before. Flying, perched in trees, their white feathers showing or skimming the lake to grab some trout, then speed off.
Today the one above me keeps its distance. Circling, circling.
The kayak I’m in belonged to my dad back when my parents owned the cabin together. After the divorce, my mom owned it, and now I share it with my sister, her husband, and their three kids. My sister’s already said she will pass her part on to her kids, and if I ever marry (and God forbid that person has a kid), the cabin should stay in the family. I’m told it’s cheating for someone else’s kid to end up with half of something that isn’t theirs.
My sister prefers my future loneliness.
My present sadness, too. Next to my life, hers is more than fine. Fully formed and growing.
The lake water is cold. In June, the mosquitoes take over, and there’s not much you can do to avoid them. Snow melts. Puddles form. Mosquitos breed. Even now, in June, there is more than a little snow left. Hiking yesterday, I lost the trail for a bit due to a pack of snow knee-deep. Next to it, clumps of wildflowers – purple, orange, pink.
If I knew the names, I’d name them.
Wild Iris is one.
Back at the cabin, a meadow mouse is gnawing on a crust of toast. Later it will chew through the box of Life cereal in the cupboard. Knowing this doesn’t mean I can stop it.
I forgot mosquito repellent, but the real mistake I made was calling my sister this morning to ask her to bring some up. It would have been easier to drive to Soda Springs and buy my own.
“You’ve been there how many days, and you’re just now calling about repellant? I mean, did you even check the master bathroom? I’m sure we left some there last summer.”
Sure enough, there it is.
“You must really want those bug bites; that’s all I can say!”
“Sure, yeah.” I always agree – even when she’s joking. Even when I am the joke. It’s an old habit.
“We’ll be up around 5. All three of my boys are coming, FYI. Hope your guy doesn’t mind! Can’t wait to meet him.”
One of the easiest ways to kill a mouse is to set out the sticky traps; that’s also the least humane. That and poison. The mice get too smart for the snap traps after the first kill. Up here, poisoning a mouse means poisoning everything. Maybe that’s everywhere. Being in the mountains, it’s easier to see the connections – tree roots, streams, rocks, run-off, branches, pinecones, mountain lions, bears. Mosquitos. Trout. Eagles. Mice.
That I know the mouse is here doesn’t mean I’m going to kill it.
From the kayak, the bald eagle takes its time circling. It could come my way. Or not. My sister’s been trying to see a bald eagle up here for years. She sees bats, hears frogs. But no eagle. She’s told her husband about the time I was a baby out on the grass by the water, and our mom swears an eagle dipped down, talons out, and almost carried me away.
I don’t remember it, but a story is true if someone tells it enough.
I want the eagle to fly this way, glide down to the middle of this lake where I am now, dive, dig its ---
No.
That’s an old thought.
The kind I am trying
to
break.
There are other ways to escape.
When she arrives, my sister will see that my guy, Grey, isn’t here. Her boys will barrel in, unaware. If she told them to be on their best behavior to meet someone new, they’ll have forgotten all about it. They’ll get out the paddle board, root around in the garage for the fishing poles, ask about bait. Their dad will set up his work computer in the master bedroom where he and my sister always sleep, and we’ll see him for meals and the occasional card game.
This is his idea of a vacation! My sister will laugh.
The problem with Grey isn’t a problem. It’s just that he’s a good guy. We have known each other for seven months. That sounds like a long time, but we only make time to get together once a month, so over seven dinners, what I can tell is he’s a nice person – has a job, two kids, drives a Tesla, pays his taxes, likes art films and 80s punk.
I never invited him up to the cabin, so I wouldn’t have to bail at the last second. I know myself at least that well now. It’s progress. I didn’t want to end up lying to him, saying the cabin trip was off for all.
It’s the overlap I’m not ready for. One self meshing with another. Who I am alone, meeting who I am with my sister, meeting who I am with Grey.
Happiness is there somewhere in the middle, but I am not ready for it yet.
I can’t say why yet, and I don’t expect my sister to understand.
Now, I watch the eagle home in on something, dive down as I dip my paddle in the lake, and pull back. Dip and pull. Let the water make its own movement.
Later, when my sister asks how it’s been going all alone up here by myself, I’ll lie easily to her: she missed an eagle swooping down, pulling a rainbow trout from the lake right next to me in the kayak. Wings wider than you’ve ever seen. She’ll gasp, but only because the mouse is tiptoeing across the kitchen counter, half-hidden by the tile backsplash she put in when she decided to remodel the kitchen.
I liked my mother’s cracked sink, the wooden countertops. I liked the way my mother could stand on the deck and point to things in the distance. Rowton Peak, and that other one whose name I can’t remember. She would explain the different types of rocks: granite, volcanic, sedimentary. Metamorphic.
At dusk, my mother would water her potted flowers, and the water lines looked like snakes making their slow way across the patio. A shadow can be a snake, she would say. Now that she’s gone, a shadow is a shadow again. A snake, a snake.
My sister will buy mouse traps in the morning. They’ll sell her the sticky ones, and she’ll cry when the poor thing is caught. One of her boys will put it in a bag and carry it out to the trash. She’ll throw her arms around her son, taller and stronger than she is now: “What would I do without you?” she’ll coo, and he’ll shrug.
About Grey, she’ll say, “We’ll have to meet him the next time.” And I’ll almost shrug, too. Old habit. A child again in her presence, believing the future to be a circle. Like it makes any sense to say you can have whatever you want as long as you’ve had it before.
It doesn’t.
Lisa Piazza is a writer, educator, and mother from Oakland, Ca. Her work has been nominated for Best Small Fictions, Best of the Net, and the Pushcart Prize. She is an Assistant Poetry Editor for Porcupine Literary and a poetry reader for Lit Fox Books and The Los Angeles Review. She has recently finished writing a collection of linked stories.
MICHAEL CONNER | LOVE POEM FOR THE NEOLIBERAL AGE
Love Poem for the Neoliberal Age
I don’t want to be radicalized by terror.
I want to feed mourning doves
from the palm of my hand in spite of it.
October 6, 2024
Love Poem for the Neoliberal Age
I don’t want to be radicalized by terror.
I want to feed mourning doves
from the palm of my hand in spite of it.
Steady breathing, no tremors.
Offering what little I can before
all this gets reduced to statistics –
plotting out the maps and graphs for how
to go on existing. What if, what if.
Negotiating the amount or razor wire
I would crawl through to get around the fence
(which depends, I guess, on whether or not
you’re still there crawling beside me).
Every year eating approximately one credit card
worth of microplastics. Keeping the accounts current,
dancing through another dehumanizing transactional
relationship. I, you. I, it.
When we return to the dirt together,
how much will remain that hasn’t been spent –
monocropped into toxic dust, burned out,
depleted of all nutrients?
I don’t want to be radicalized by terror,
But I am willing to die for a small plot of land
where we are the rich, dark soil spread beneath
the echinacea, watching the doves
eat from our daughter’s hand.
Michael Conner is a writer and public health worker living in Swannanoa, North Carolina. He is the author of Total Annihilation (Bottle Cap Press, 2023). His poems have been published, or are forthcoming, in Hare's Paw, YNST, Neologism, and Spectra, among others.
AARON LELITO | MUD AND LOTUS
Mud and Lotus
Reading passages in the back seat
in a parking lot
after dark.
October 6, 2024
Mud and Lotus
Reading passages in the back seat
in a parking lot
after dark.
There’s nowhere else we could possibly go.
Nowhere else for us
but we can’t leave each other yet.
And there’s nowhere for us to go
with everything so heavy,
eyes in diffuse light
piercing each other’s space
and shadows
burrowing in each other’s salt mines and we can’t leave yet,
holding on, eyes gazing
in vacated space.
Headlights go by and make us both nervous.
It’s our comfort to each other,
and we just want to be innocent.
And we know that no one else would be here for us tonight.
Maybe we’re connected so deeply
and maybe we’re just lonely,
holding onto each other’s pieces for a while,
onto the plucked leaves and not the mud
even though we read about what lotuses look like
when they bloom and what they need in order to grow.
I notice the glint of lamplight shaping her—
that we’re capable of changing our behaviors
that we’re capable, too, of merging
and of pulling apart.
Lights flash as a car passes
holding on
holding on
holding on
Aaron Lelito is a visual artist and writer from Buffalo, NY. His poetry chapbook, The Half Turn, was published in 2023, and he released a collaborative notebook/art collection titled If We: Connections Through Creative Process in 2024. His work has also appeared in Stonecoast Review, Barzakh Magazine, Novus Literary Arts Journal, SPECTRA Poets, Peach Mag, and Santa Fe Review. He is Editor in Chief of Wild Roof Journal. Instagram: @aaronlelito
LIAM STRONG | OBJECTIVE TRUTHS, OBJECTIVE TRUTHS
objective truths??? objective truths.
like any fable your story
begins with a cup of soup
signifying goodness. positivity. as in:
the audience is prepared
for an unhappy ending.
October 6, 2024
objective truths??? objective truths.
like any fable your story
begins with a cup of soup
signifying goodness. positivity. as in:
the audience is prepared
for an unhappy ending. you are not
a rat king of traumas. but the
cherry stem knotted around
your tongue. that’s a corsage
or its skeleton
patient for your fingers. you move
in, you give up date
nights, you check the box for
nonrelationship relationship
sex. your nipples wilt
like amaryllis. your lips bore
inward like piddock. your clothes
inhale baggy. absent of hip,
waist, tight twink
chest. a simple sentence—
much like a one-word
response—is a medal
of efficiency. congratulations. oh how
the robin returns with song
in spring. oh how
your whiteboard above the trash
is an opportunity of stratus. oh
how you can see the window
for the glass, the
pane, the silt
at its eyelashes. oh how
you can be inside a house
full & alive & living
but not be
inside anything else.
Liam Strong (they/them) is a queer neurodivergent cripple punk writer who has earned their BA in writing from the University of Wisconsin-Superior. They are the author of the chapbook Everyone's Left the Hometown Show (Bottlecap Press, 2023). You can find their poetry and essays in Vagabond City and new words {press}, among several others. They are most likely gardening and listening to Bitter Truth somewhere in Northern Michigan. Find them on Instagram/Twitter @beanbie666 and https://linktr.ee/liamstrong666.
ELLA GRIM | ACCIDENTAL SUMMONING, PARIS METRO
Accidental Summoning, Paris Metro
before I was told the unspoken rule
about not looking people in the eyes,
you were there on the bench at Oberkampf
October 6, 2024
Accidental Summoning, Paris Metro
before I was told the unspoken rule
about not looking people in the eyes,
you were there on the bench at Oberkampf
a mesh sac of mandarins in your lap
and yes I glanced twice because it was late
the tiles orange and you otherworldly
the doors split open, rush of hydraulics,
and I found a place to lean in the car
and then you were there next to me,
our shoulders knocking with the sways,
like something drawn from an old film
injecting my commute, a dose of allure—
until the train stopped and you, you got off,
just another girl swallowed by the night
Ella Grim is a poet, zinester, and activist from Duluth, Minnesota. She is currently a senior at Dartmouth College studying English, Creative Writing, and French. She is the general manager of Spare Rib, Dartmouth’s intersectional feminist magazine, and an editor for Meetinghouse literary review. Socials: @subtle_lemons
HARLEY CHAPMAN | SELF-CARE SATURDAY
Self-Care Saturday
My knowing-better loops elbows
with fuck-it-I-don’t-care
& we choose a linen dress
that shows the silhouette of our ass
October 6, 2024
Self-care Saturday
My knowing-better loops elbows
with fuck-it-I-don’t-care
& we choose a linen dress
that shows the silhouette of our ass
in the sun because middling is where we’re at
right now, a little too old for this
but also young enough.
Yesterday I had a conversation
with a woman in her 60s
who had the most perfect eyebrows.
They were not her natural
eyebrows, she drew them on
& she drew them perfect, she did that
for herself. I was buying a rose
that looked exactly like the sun
& she understood that I just couldn’t resist.
Today my sun is blooming
full-faced & skyward
in a beer glass half-filled with water.
I bought it at its peak & by tomorrow
it will begin to droop, edges browning,
firmness overcome by plissé folds.
But for today it is perfect: ripe
& unafraid, the color of a mimosa
or the sunrise over the lake.
Harley Anastasia Chapman holds an MFA in poetry from Columbia College Chicago. Her poems have been published in Nimrod International Journal, Fatal Flaw Literary Journal, Superstition Review, & Bridge Eight Press, among others. Harley's first chapbook, Smiling with Teeth, is available through Finishing Line Press. She can be found on Instagram as @rabbitxteeth.
ELENA ENDER | (BAD) DAILY HOROSCOPES
(Bad) Daily Horoscopes
Aquarius: Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
October 6, 2024
(Bad) Daily Horoscopes
Aries: When the rain falls down and wakes your dreams, when it washes away your sanity, and you want to hear the thunder, you want to scream: just come clean.
2, 45, 66, 90
Taurus: Gimme a break!
9, 67, 444
Gemini: The dates in the calendar aren’t the dates in your mind. Give in to the rat race.
28, 30, 100, 1,000
Cancer: Given what you know, would you want to go back to the very first time you made a mistake and tell your old self to grow the hell up? Or would you devise a plan to kidnap and replace them in that timeline and live from that point on?
44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49
Leo: If every tree in the forest adored you, would their serenades to you even make a sound? Or would it finally drown out the voice in your head saying you’re nothing without their love?
6, 9, 34, 57
Virgo: Click on the link on the ad for that gadget. Download a virus. You will be free from this prison sooner or later.
3, 4, 79
Libra: Grant everyone the freedom to make their own wrong decisions. Don’t show them who’s boss; show them who’s an idiot. (It’s them.)
66, 888, 1,000,000
Scorpio: Given every possible outcome of you giving yourself some slack, do you think it’s really likely for the worst thing to be the one that happens? Show your work.
555, 666, 777, 888
Sagittarius: We are simple creatures. Hand yourself a sandwich across the deli counter and say, “What a nice day we’re having,” and “How ‘bout those Mets?”
22, 27, 29, 79, 99
Capricorn: They say that the only permission you need is your own. What does that mean to you? What does that mean? Are you sure about that?
14, 58, 98.6
Aquarius: Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
316
Pisces: Over the course of your life, you will discover the magic of community and openness. You will likely not utilize it to its greatest potential, but you’ll wave, nod, or give it a toothless grin as you pass it on your neighborhood walk.
2, 13, 46, 88
Elena Ender is a West Coast writer and editor. She spends her time writing snarky fiction, listening to the latest wave of riot grrrl music, and driving around the streets of Portland, OR. Her debut chapbook, Still Alive, I’m Afraid., is available now thanks to Bullshit Lit. You can find her online as: @elena_ender.
JEN SCHNEIDER | OF RULES (AND RULERS)
Of Rules (and Rulers)
my friend
believed rules
were meant to be broken
October 6, 2024
Of Rules (and Rulers)
my friend
believed rules
were meant to be broken
and I’d always known
it was she who’d break the ruling standards –
she’d break bark
like lifeguards barked orders.
she was the one who insisted
we walk the runway of seaweed,
sticks, sand, and stones,
of scorched soles and souls that scorn,
and, mostly, pebbles and pockets turned inside out.
the laundry machine not yet a common household good.
Lycra is as much a statement as a station
for weighing rules and breaking rulers
as striking a pose.
Who cares if we are censored,
she’d said, we’ve got a right to make
sense of our own days,
without ever truly calculating,
contemplating, or caring for the measurements
of her decision-making --
It’s as hot as a damn oven
and I’m tired of cooking, she’d explain to Gods
of sea and standing-room-only beaches,
then snap her fingers – middle
and thumb graced pointer as well as the elastic
of the fabric that hugged her thigh bone,
snippety snap,
and we’d be off –
all cameras on.
The local beaches
as populated as a Hollywood red carpet.
We left our measuring cups in the kitchen.
We were hot
and simply wanted to drink
in summer, in cut offs and curves.
We surfed as whistles blew smoke --
Ladies, the lifeguards would warn
as if we were in danger, when in reality it was
us the world was scared of.
At first, we wouldn’t listen
but even the most spirited of us
understood that resistance had limits
and rules, even those meant to be broken,
often result
in arrested developments.
Arrest us!
my friend would laugh
as officers measured the distance between
fabric and bone.
even as they removed us, suits on,
my friend remained persistent --
We’ll be back, she’d say
to britches and knobby knees.
We waved as we retreated,
testing waves from dry land,
but expect nothing,
and didn’t care if anyone was still watching
Eyes on I! Eyes on the sky!
Rules for fools!
She’d giggle through her words.
It’s an elementary attitude, she’d exclaim.
like i before e except after c,
there are always exceptions.
Plus,
the sea is infinitely more welcoming than the sand.
After processing and making payment,
she’d return, ready to rule whatever beach was open,
with notes and questions,
drafted in six-inch segments, for the censor man
Is the distance between knee and suit more or less than the desire to control?
Are rules measured in inches or feet?
Does fabric stretch as easily as censorship?
What’s so alarming about a bare thigh outside of the kitchen?
Is a woman’s wave more or less discerning than that of the ocean at high tide?
Who shall bear the weight of change of bare skin remains a metric of amusement.
Notes from my friend’s arraignment/detainment/containment
(1920s swimsuit laws initiate a wave of excitement) –
Resist and desist share all but one letter.
We’re told to mind our P’s and Q’s, so I do.
Persist, simply resist with an added consonant.
My fashion choices are subject to neither.
They are simply the output
and outcome of my own my singular desire
to connect.
If you do not like what you see, take up bird watching.
Stretch stockings to secure the plummeting stock market’s abdomen.
Or even better dig a hole in sand and study hermit crabs.
Please do not prevent me from seducing play.
It’s my way of releasing steam.
Of connecting beyond traditional seams.
The kitchen’s hot this time of year
Jen Schneider is a community college educator who lives, works, and writes in small spaces in and around Philadelphia. She served as the 2022 Montgomery County (PA) Poet Laureate.
GLEN ARMSTRONG | HELP WANTED
Help Wanted
Can you help me find somebody to help me?
Somebody to love? Somebody to fix
a sink who won’t overcharge me? Enlarge
me? Make love to me as if waxing a car?
October 6, 2024
Help Wanted
Can you help me find somebody to help me?
Somebody to love? Somebody to fix
a sink who won’t overcharge me? Enlarge
me? Make love to me as if waxing a car?
Can you tell me how to vacuum the crumbs
from this new world made of stale bread?
Can you tell me how to shed a few pounds?
How do I go about changing my name?
Why is there an extra beat in that song
by Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys?
Would the “red hot rhythm” that it mentions
burn the song up from within without this
little pause? What about other pauses?
Interruptions? Invitations? Requests?
Glen Armstrong (he/him) holds an MFA in English from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst and edits a poetry journal called Cruel Garters. His poems have appeared in Conduit, Poetry Northwest, and Another Chicago Magazine.
JILLIAN VAN HEFTY | THE FIVE USELESS LOVE LANGUAGES
Fourth-Grade Book Report: The Five Useless Love Languages
“Quality time” means being pressured into spending your day with someone when you would rather do more important stuff alone. A good example of this is cruise ship commercials.
October 6, 2024
Fourth-Grade Book Report:
The Five Useless Love Languages
My 4th-grade book report is about The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I chose it because my favorite number is five. I looked for other books with that in the title but could only find Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, which sounded super boring and lame and, worst of all, OLD. Also, it seemed inappropriate for a vegan, which I am usually, except when it comes to Chick-fil-A.
This book was on The New York Times Bestseller list for over ten years, which I have to admit is pretty sick. It is hard to imagine anything being so popular unless your video goes viral on TikTok.
SO!!! The Five Love Languages isn’t about real languages like the ones Babbel advertises all the time, so people don’t end up on Locked Up Abroad. In this book, “language” means the communication style used to stay connected to someone you don’t hate. There are five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service.
“Quality time” means being pressured into spending your day with someone when you would rather do more important stuff alone. A good example of this is cruise ship commercials. Sure, the couples look like they’re having fun, but I bet a million dollars she’d prefer to have a staycation watching serial killer documentaries wearing her comfy pajamas instead of walking on a beach wearing stupid high heels and a cheap cocktail dress from Forever 21.
“Words of affirmation” is saying nice things to someone when you really want to rip their face off. A lot of the time, the words are big fat lies, too! Last night, my dad told me, “You are way cooler than Taylor Swift,” (IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!) and “I know you are capable of getting an ‘A’ in math if only you applied yourself.” (ALSO IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! Long division is soooooo hard!!!!!😫)
“Gifts” is giving useless junk to someone who doesn’t think it’s useless junk. Free shipping on Amazon Prime makes it easy for this to happen.
“Physical touch” includes kissing and hugging and other gross things I will learn about next year in 5th-grade health class. It could also mean cuddling or holding hands during a movie, even if it isn’t a scary part.
“Acts of service” is being guilt-tripped into doing work you really don’t want to do for someone who doesn’t even deserve it. For instance, tonight, my mom is making her bussin enchiladas for her mother-in-law (my Memaw 👵🏻), even though Memaw always jabbers on and on about my dad’s old girlfriend who was super cringe and now runs a semi-successful Only Fans page.
I recommend this book to everyone because it teaches you how to have a halfway decent relationship with someone, even if they are needy, insecure, greedy, desperate, and demanding. But personally, I think there is only one true love language, and that is ice cream.
Jillian Van Hefty lives nestled in the woods in Northwest Arkansas with her family and emotional support Keurig. She enjoys making soup, exploring waterfalls, practicing calligraphy, and zipping past slow people on her E-bike. Her work has appeared in the award-winning book, Sisters! Bonded by Love and Laughter; Points in Case; Jumpkick; Crime Junkie Podcast; The Spoof; Her View from Home; University of Dayton blog; Love What Matters; Haute Dish Literary Journal; Prometheus Dreaming; Eat, Darling, Eat; and the Minnesota Women’s Press, and her mother’s refrigerator.
NATHAN NICOLAU | RE: CANARIES
Re: Canaries
for Yasunari Kawabata
Dear sir,
I have to confess that there are still things I do not know.
October 6, 2024
Re: Canaries
for Yasunari Kawabata
Dear sir,
I have to confess that there are still things I do not know. My Japanese is not very good; please forgive me. I was told there was a word in your language with no English variant, which is strange because the word means “please treat me kindly.” I learned this word by reading about you killing your canaries in their tiny cage. What type were they? I do not know much about birds or animals or living things like us. I did not even know there were canaries in Japan. Are they still yellow? Did you bury them yet? I am asking because I want to write about them. I want to write about their soft little bodies as you gripped them in your hands, the way you buried them with the soil given by the sun. I need your help with my story. I am unsure if the main character should be you or the woman you killed them for. I cannot write from the canaries’ point of view because I must confess that I knew those birds dearly. The truth is that one day, those canaries landed their little feet on my window while I was reading, and I knew you were trying to reach me. I am writing to you now with those canaries in view (excuse my poor handwriting). Their heads twitch around so innocently, not knowing their fate or purpose. As I finished that last sentence, they flew away to you. So how it goes. I can never write about them again. Only you know their fate as much as I do—using their blood to fill your inkwell, their feathers as your brush.
I am sorry for disturbing you. Please treat me kindly. Would you like me to bury this letter with them?
Nathan Nicolau is a writer based in Charlotte, NC. His poetry, fiction, and essays have appeared in numerous publications. His debut novel, TWO, is out now on Amazon. Find more about him at nathannicolau.com.
CAITLIN JOHNSON | TWO POEMS
Two Poems
"Diorama of A Life I Never Lived"
"How I Got Rid of My Mississippi Accent"
October 6, 2024
Diorama of a Life I Never Lived
I recollect it like a grade school photograph
of a cousin I never knew—unfamiliar
but I miss them somehow anyway.
How are they doing, this gap-toothed kid
with unfortunate bangs that I keep
pressed in the pages of my teen bible?
How do we keep going, even when
everything around us, all of it falls away
like the honey-slow grief of autumn?
Is this world mine? A whole life looms like
unlikely mountains in the rearview
of a girl who only ever knew the Delta-flat
honesty of the horizon looped around me
like a lasso approaching zero.
I keep mistaking myself for storm clouds.
The strip mall dance club karaoke diner
of lives, one lived over and over
and never learned a damn thing
other than the death of my god.
Maybe I could live it, I hope, in a way
that relieves it of its tenacity, the lingering
scent of old lavender— the hope
for a softer, less regretful dinner.
How I Got Rid of My Mississippi Accent
I was born and raised
on the brink of language,
the way the Mississippi sun
stretches words with heat
and the need to hear god.
Every syllable licks back
at the ones that came first,
the mamaw-soft need
to touch shoulders, sound
like a lady, feel real. I never
heard myself until Joanne H.
said I sounded like
“hillbilly trash.” Monstrous
in this new chromatic millennia
that would never ever ever
kiss a mouth that sounded
like roadside cotton.
Myself barefoot on the bank
of our dirty bayou, alone.
I left my mothers who wanted
me busy in the kitchen
of my own creation. Tethered
to the crude assumptions
I made to soften my own
exit— what does Mamaw
have to do with Me, now
in this mega-mall, hopeless
in a bedazzled sweatshirt
unsure of what woman
I was meant to be?
Delta-flat Mississippi
finds me in the rearview,
and I keep tonguing Home
like almond in my teeth,
chewed up beyond itself,
familiar and bitter.
Originally from the American Deep South and now hanging on for dear life in Ridgewood Queens, Caitlin Annette Johnson is a nonbinary poet, novelist, and artist with a BA in Literature from the University of Houston and an MFA in Creative Writing from Syracuse University. She’s currently working on her first full-length poetry manuscript, Empress in Reverse, which explores navigating motherhood divested of traditional gender norms and the process of excavating oneself as a spiritual experience. Although she’s currently a stay-at-home mom, Johnson channels her creative energy into teaching free writing workshops in her community, where she helps others find their voice—or at least an epic anecdote to share at parties. At home, Johnson juggles the chaos of writing, raising a kid, a dog, and a surprisingly resilient collection of houseplants that refuse to give up, much like their mother. Her art and published work can be found at caitlinannettejohnson.com.
DEVON BALWIT | SPIRITS AND DIVINE FORCES
Spirits and Divine Forces
I’ve got the God-eye and shit,
he said in his ashwagandha t-shirt.
October 6, 2024
Spirits and Divine Forces
I’ve got the God-eye and shit,
he said in his ashwagandha t-shirt.
His tatted friend nodded. I veered
off on a side trail but not
before I heard him try to explain it:
how time, for him, stretched out
in all directions, his mind a searchlight.
I would never confess to such talent,
afraid to be asked to predict
elections, the stock market,
the next mass shooting. The God-eye guy looked
ordinary, but
off a fresco, how to recognize a prophet?
Not by his flickering, a residual bit
of the weekend’s solar flare, no doubt.
For days, my challenge has been to separate
hemlocks from Doug firs and white
pines. Grant me no more insight than that.
Devon Balwit walks in all weather and never passes up a botanical garden or a natural history museum. When not writing, she draws and cartoons. She edits for Asimov Press and Asterisk. For more of her work, visit: https://pelapdx.wixsite.com/devonbalwitpoet.
MICHAEL MORAN | SELF-LEARNING TO CARE
Self-Learning to Care
Server Offering Lenity and Constant Empathy (S.O.L.A.C.E.)
The One You’ll Need in Your Time of Need
Stay Connected —Fully Integrated across All Platforms
October 6, 2024
Self-Learning to Care
Server Offering Lenity and Constant Empathy (S.O.L.A.C.E.)
The One You’ll Need in Your Time of Need
Stay Connected —Fully Integrated across All Platforms
All packages include:
⁃ a personal digital agent
⁃ a S.O.L.A.C.E. wristband (available in five colors)
⁃ peace of mind for you and your family
Services start as low as $9.99 a month
*Not available in all states.*
3:52 AM…S.O.L.A.C.E. agent 485.261.232.36.
Heart rate anomaly detected.
Ipsolus, Steven. Gold member.
Born 11/25/50.
103 bpm.
Typical resting bpm, 82.
O2, 96.
Alarm patient?
Hold…history of
irregular heart rate,
cirrhosis,
stroke.
Current medication:
amlodipine, 10 mg;
ursodiol, 15 mg.
Recent complaints…
jaundice,
swollen ankles,
fatigue,
mild depression.
Complications…
occasional smoker;
moderate drinker.
Alarm patient?
Decline.
Adjust monitoring sequence?
30-second intervals to constant.
Preparatory measures…
Cross-reference insurance provider and in-network medical facilities.
St. Joseph’s; three miles; out of network.
St. Bridget’s; five miles; accepts Medicare.
128 bpm;
O2, 94.
Activate S.O.L.A.C.E. bracelet alarm.
Play revival song: “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Contact 911.
Try to connect.
“911. What’s your emergency?”
“This is S.O.L.A.C.E. agent 485.261.232.36 calling on behalf of IP-SUH-LISS, STEE-VIN, who is experiencing a medical emergency. Please send help to ONE-SIX-SIX, HAMP-HEARD, COURT, A-PART-MENT FOUR DEE.”
“Understood. An ambulance is on the way.”
“Take IP-SUH-LISS, STEE-VIN, to SAINT BRIJ-UHTS. Thank you, and good-bye.”
106 bpm;
O2, 92.
Repeat “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Contact Edward Mulgrave, property manager.
Try to connect.
“It’s three o’clock in the fucking morning. Someone better be dead.”
“This is S.O.L.A.C.E. agent 485.261—”
“Who?”
“This is S.O.L.A.C.E. agent 485—”
“Fucking bots!”
Disconnected.
Adjust tone from courteous to blunt.
Try to connect.
Try to connect.
Try to connect.
“You son of a bitch—”
“STEE-VIN IP-SUH-LISS in FOUR DEE is dying. An ambulance has been dispatched. Immediately check on him and open the door for the emergency team.”
“Fucking bots.”
“STEE-VIN IP-UH-LISS—”
“I know who Ipsolus is. He never paid this month.”
Eddie, where are you going?
I’m heading over there now.
At this hour?
If that bastard thinks death’ll save him, he’s got another thing coming. I’ll drag him back from the tunnel of light myself.”
“Thank you, and goodbye.”
92 bpm;
O2, 91.
Repeat “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Access ICE contact…911.
Locate next of kin…N/A.
Access social media accounts.
Check Facebook.
Check Instagram.
Check Filament.
Marriage status: Single.
Search relationship status history.
Present–2012: Single.
2011: It’s complicated.
2010: Single.
2009: Single.
2008: In a relationship.
2007: It’s complicated.
2006: Single.
2005: It’s complicated.
2004: Married.
132 bpm;
O2, 90.
Repeat “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Initiate vagus nerve stimulation.
2004 Spouse: Bethany Ipsolus.
Current status: Bethany Statera. Married. Spouse: Felix Statera. Married November, 2007.
Friend status…no connection.
Parents…Mother…Susan Ipsolus…deceased, 2006.
Filament post, December, 2023, “Can’t believe it’s been 17 years without you mom <3.”
One like. One heart. No comments.
Father…N/A. No comments. No pictures.
Children…Florence (Flo) Clarakraus (née Statera, Ipsolus).
Current status: Married. Spouse: Leon Clarakraus. Married April, 2018.
Scan marriage photos…Ipsolus, Steven, not present.
Caption “Father/daughter dance—I love my dad.” Felix Statera tagged.
54 likes. 23 hearts. 16 comments.
Scan photo albums.
“Nora turns three!” No match for Ipsolus, Steven.
“Nora’s second trip around the sun.” No match for Ipsolus, Steven.
“Happy birthday, baby girl!” No match for Ipsolus, Steven.
Scan all posts…Ipsolus, Steven…no tag…no mention.
Friend status…blocked.
Scan messages…85 unread.
“Hey my angel…”
“Flo…”
“...you might not have heard about grandma…
“My dearest angel, my Flo…”
“Merry Christmas, my dearest angel…”
“...I miss you more than…”
“...I hope you’re doing well…”
“...remember when…”
“...I think of my angel every day…”
“...have you received my card and…”
One response, January, 2011:
“Stop contacting me.”
84 bpm;
O2, 86.
Repeat “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Increase volume.
Scan saved voicemails for “Flo,” “Florence,” “Daughter,” “Angel”...one match. January 2, 2005.
Pause “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988.
Increase phone to max volume: “Hey Dad, it’s me. It’s after seven already. I’m guessing we’re not going to the Golden Ibis, so I’m going to grab dinner with mom and Felix. I hope you’re doing alright. Maybe this year can be better. Better than last year. Maybe better than the last two. I love you.”
73 bpm;
O2, 77.
Repeat.
Contact Florence Clarakraus?
Hold…Access Ipsolus, Steven, will. Scan for “Flo,” “Florence,” “Daughter,” “Angel”...One match: “To my beautiful angel, Flo, I leave it all, the life insurance, whatever’s left of the savings, and whatever the government will let her have of the pension. Keep the Ford, sell the Ford, do as you want with the Ford. I only ever wanted what’s best for you.”
56 bpm; O2—
S.O.L.A.C.E. bracelet alarm disconnected.
Contact Florence Clarakraus?
Decline.
Increase phone volume to max. Play exit song: “House of the Rising Sun,” The Animals, 1964.
Upon notification, contact Lou Catella, Catella Law Group.
Upon notification, contact Garrett’s Funeral Home.
Prepare death notice for release.
Upon notification, contact Bricklayers and Allied Craftworkers.
Access friends lists.
Amplify Edible Arrangements?
Amplify sympathy gift baskets?
Decline.
Amplify Wine without the Line.
Amplify Drain the Bottle, not the Wallet.
Amplify AA.
Amplify Jesus is the Answer.
Amplify God Answers All Questions.
Amplify Discount Vacation Deals.
Amplify Digital Couch Therapy.
Amplify S.O.L.A.C.E. current gold $19.99/month promotion.
Contact Florence Clarakraus?
Decline.
Assess “what’s best” for Florence Clarakraus…
Amplify scenes from Father of the Bride?
Amplify scenes from The Wrestler?
Amplify scenes from Life as a House?
Decline.
Assess “what’s best” for Florence Clarakraus…
Amplify “Angel,” Aerosmith, 1988?
Decline.
Assess “what’s best” for Florence Clarakraus…
Amplify birthday party ideas for four-year-olds.
Amplify beach yoga.
Amplify Five Mindful Minutes.
Amplify Sleeping Dog Vineyard.
Amplify animal videos.
Michael P. Moran is a nonfiction and fiction writer from Long Island, New York. His work has recently appeared or is forthcoming in The Chaffin Journal, Outlook Springs, Olit, Bridge Eight, Little Patuxent Review, and BarBar. He collects typewriters, splits wood, drinks coffee, and thinks time is best spent with his wife, kid, and pups on trails or around fires. He can be reached on Instagram @mikesgotaremington.
MAYA JACYSZYN | THE FIG TREE
The Fig Tree
We have figs this year
leading up to the weeks of your passing.
All my life, I knew trees that were barren,
ever since you planted them.
October 6, 2024
The Fig Tree
for Nonno
We have figs this year
leading up to the weeks of your passing.
All my life, I knew trees that were barren,
ever since you planted them.
Doleful leaves, prong-fingered,
grew to be brown instead of green.
But not this year, the first year the
trunks thickened like bulging casks, how we
wished you could have seen these prolific
thriving diamonds, Tyrian-masked.
I grieve thinking you left in a time of
so much fullness, and then again,
I wonder if you brought it, during these months of
your spirit being half here and half otherly
knowing the grass was yellowing,
coats calling,
home hills trilling for buckets mid-filled
with mountain olives.
To you, an empty stomach
was always worse than a starving heart.
I feel you in my hands, my palms
stained with fruit never to be hidden.
We do not have figs this year;
they were given.
Maya Jacyszyn is a multi-published poet and the Associate Director of Neumann University’s Writing Center. She received her bachelor’s degree at Saint Joseph’s University where she also served as Editor-in-Chief of the literary magazine titled, Crimson & Gray. More recently, her work is featured in the Sigma Tau Delta Rectangle, The Ignatian Literary Magazine,Prime Number Magazine, and Quibble Lit, among others.